


Illumi knows how to use etsy

by andithesapphicqueen



Series: Hisoillu but make it stupid yes this is my contribution to the fandom im sorry [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: BOP BOP ID DO IT AGAIN SORRY NOT SORRY, IN MY DEFENSE IM A DYKE AND LEORIO JUST DOESN'T SET ANYTHING OFF, M/M, MAYBE THERES A LITTLE LEOPIKA SLANDER, crackfic, i wrote this on my phone on the notes app in less than an hour instead of studying trig, like very very very crackfic, maybe ill add to this series except make it serious writing but eh im not that good of a writer, only brief hints of killugon and leopika, u have been warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:34:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27831589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andithesapphicqueen/pseuds/andithesapphicqueen
Summary: Illumi tries to get killua to accept his love for hisoka then stabs him.  This is a crackfic plz do not take it seriously.
Relationships: Hisoillu - Relationship, Hisoka & Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka/Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight, illuhiso
Series: Hisoillu but make it stupid yes this is my contribution to the fandom im sorry [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2037016
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	Illumi knows how to use etsy

**Author's Note:**

> Illumi tries to get killua to accept his love for hisoka then stabs him.

"this my hubby u have to love him plz killu" illumi screeched. Killua twerked sadly. "I don't wna b related to a clownnnnnn aniki minaj plz dont do this to me" he wept. Hisoka breakdanced into the room. "omg is gOOoOOooooOn with u rn bc i wna fight himmmm" he whispered w excitement in his eyes. Illumi sighed. "babe no u cant gon is kil's bf and that makes him kinda family and we cant fight fam thats against the rulez". Hisoka stopped breakdancing. "Then we can just get a divorce so i can fight gon then we can get remarried boom problem solved". "U cant annul our marriage 4 an ugly broccli faced bitch do u even love me" Illumi screeched even louder than b4 he got it from kikyo probs.

Killua awkwardly stopped twerking, opting to continuously floss like it was 2018 instead. He missed his ugly broccoli bitch. Hisoka pulled a card out of his knee and held it up to Illumi. "Babe ur right im so srry i let that tiny hulk wannabe who stole ur green fashion sense get in the way of our relationship. Plz accept this card and forgive me". Illumi squinted w his big black gorgeous bug eyes and gasped. "OMG R U FR IS THIS A QUEEN OF HEARTS ????" he sobbed happily. Hisoka thrust into the air joyously. "yes bc u r the queen of my heart" he groaned while giving illumi puppy eyes with his gold sun _**orbs**_ so he didnt get stabby stabbed w a needle bc thats never any fun unless its seggs then maybe bc hisoka is a fucking masochist. Killua forward rolled out of the room quietly to go bitch about clown dick to his ugly mountain bf. Illumi stood there w the card in his hand swooning as Hisoka t-posed him like it was 2018.

Then hisoka dropped to the ground and sat criss cross apple sauce while sobbing heavily. "omg babe r u ok" illu swooned to the floor to join his murder husband. "No bc u have to kill me". Illu's jaw. dropped. "no i wont kill u ily bro". Hisoka glanced dramatically to the side like the theatrical bitch that he is. "U dont get it love. Ur parents r not ok w our love. Even if we r married they will never accept us. U cant even leave bc kiki do u love me and silver ah have too much influence literally every where. I dont want u to go against ur parents bc they wont go easy on u. Just kill me." Illu screeched sadly. "I'll miss u sugar sugar bungee gum love" he purred like rhysand from acotar. Hisoka sadly smiled while his body flopped around aggressively. "Farewell, darling". Illu took out his big long hard sharp needle from his chest hole and stabbed hisoka. "oof" hisoka uttered. Illumi held his dead hubby bubby bubblegum bitch's hand and barked like a dog. "u know i cant fare well without u u selfish dumb slut."

illu stole hisoka's shiny gold wedding band and decided to sell it on etsy. He was apparently in his bedroom the entire time so he just grabbed his phone and put it up 4 sale. The comment section that etsy now has bc i say so immediately filled to the brim. Everyone wanted the dead clown's shiny shiny ring. Then illu got a text from a customer or smthn idk how etsy works. "omg yes i need a wedding ring to propose to my straight as fuck friend who risked it all 4 prison pussy which is the straightest thing anyone could do even though ppl have always shipped us together bc i am an emo depressed blond twink and he's a v straight boy dr w a sad backstory. I love him sm but who cares he def isn't queer at least not in the 2011 remake maybe he was gayer in 1999 and i could've actually had a chance anyway just give me ur ring plz ill trade u a v fancy looking chain bracelet 4 it. - chainz4dayzbabe". _Babe_. Illu sobbed softly. He shouldn't give away the ring yet bc emotions ?? _wait a second_ illu thought. _Im not supposed to have feelings lmao._ Then he sold it to chain cunt 4 a gajillion magic chains which he also sold until he was even more rich than he already was. He built himself a magic money pool like Scrooge mc fuck and lived the rest of his life swimming in his money and committing murder. Hisoka did the wap dance sadly from the grave. Go away hisoka ur dead 🙄‼️

**Author's Note:**

> hi i wrote that when i was bored on my birthday bc i didnt wna study circles & triangles 4 precalc idek what a circle is anymore. Anyway watch me write serious angst based off this crackfic ill do it bet.


End file.
